she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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