It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
