I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize