did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
