my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Blood and glitter go together right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
