if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize