if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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