He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
