i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize