Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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