Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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