looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
