SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
