And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize