So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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