u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
