Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
