how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
