an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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