i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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