used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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