Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
