Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
