She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
