I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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