I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
