No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
