There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
