Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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