The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
