yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
