Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
