Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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