He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
