my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
