All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
