She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it glows. i had to have it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize