i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
