they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
