yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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