Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to make a zoo with you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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