I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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