no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
