In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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