I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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