I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize