It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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