My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
