I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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