I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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