I wannas sexs uuuuu
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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