areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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