your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well you can't waste a boner
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize