forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
