apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
