I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
