Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
