This is not my ceiling
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
