worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
