i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
