I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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