walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
