and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
