So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
