Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
