when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
