There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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