Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
