you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
