Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
