I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
