two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
