I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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