So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
