I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
