you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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