hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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