its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
