In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
