i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We are all done wearing pants today
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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