The maid of honor just puked.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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