bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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