Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
