I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize