I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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