I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
