i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
