better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
