Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize