Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
