Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
