Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
