The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
