My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
