girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
