He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
