i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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