I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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