She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she told me i tasted like america
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
