They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
