I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
