We named our party play list daddy issues
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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