jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
