My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Life is so much better after having sex.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
