His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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