are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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