the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
