I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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