Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
