um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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