Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
