Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize