so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Enjoy the penises
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
