Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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