dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
